Preparing for Marriage

What do you want in a spouse? 

When it comes to marriage, we try to marry people who have the same beliefs and values as we do. People who marry that are similar in social and demographic characteristics (like age, race, religion, values, education) are refereed to homogamy. When two people who marry that dissimilar in social and demographic characteristics, it is called heterogamy. 

What attractions do you have to others? How do we get attracted to them? 

A few ways we are attracted to others can be by their appearance, how they express themselves and their emotions, if they are happy, and getting to know them over time. 

Attractiveness does change over time as we get to know each other. For example, say you see someone that looks physically attractive to you. You go on a date and get to know them a little more, and they don't have the same values as you do. Knowing what you do now could change how you view them. 

When we share family and friends, our relationships will be much stronger. Why? Because our family and friends will support our relationship so that it lasts longer. Also, families give pressure when we choose our life partner. When we marry our spouse, we marry into their family as well. When choosing a future spouse, keep in mind that we need to love their family too.

When we go on dates, we need to have our eyes open. We cannot be waiting for our "Cinderella" story to happen, because there really is no perfect person to marry.

Don't think that if you marry the right person then you will have a happy marriage. We can find a right one, but not the one. Do not sit around waiting for someone to come find you, be proactive and see what there is to see. Look for someone that will help you to become a better person. When life gets though in marriage, don't think it has to fall apart because you aren't necessarily happy. Work through the problems together with your spouse, as a team. When we support and help each other, that will make a happy marriage. Just because we don't accept the "Cinderella" story does not mean to just marry anyone. Don't raise the bar for who you marry, and don't think, "He/she is out of my league." 

So, what is the difference between dating and hanging out? When hanging out, that could mean making out to dropout. If you are just hanging out with each other, it could include a group of people. When in a group situation, it can feel like you are competing for the individual's attention. You don't get to open up much and get to know each other. Don't hang out! The definition of dating has changed so much, that we don't really know what it is, or what to expect. When we go on dates, it doesn't mean that we are going to marry the person. A date does not have to be expensive, you can put resources together to not have to really pay for much. Dating should be a step process, not a sliding from step-to-step process. When we are comfortable with people, then we tend to open up more. That makes it possible to know if you like the person as much as you think you do. Go on a variety of activities with people, then start to do more one-on-one to get to know the individual. Determine if marriage would work between the two of you. Don't date exclusively until you are ready for marriage. 

I really like how we compared the following in class:

Men are to: preside, provide, and protect

Dates are to be: planned, paid for, and paired off

When a date is planned, that shows the male takes leadership. If your date isn't going to pay for you, how will he provide? When getting paired off, it is assuring that he will take responsibility for the girl. 

 How can a woman show her nurturing side when going on a date? We discussed in class that she can: listen, smile, make eye contact, and tell him you are having a fun time. The way women comment or react on a date can say a lot.
It doesn't always have to be the guy that asks the girl on a date though. It is hard to ask someone out on a date. So sometimes the girl needs to step up.  

When you start to like someone more and more, don't spend every spare moment or hour together. We were told in class that we should go on two dates a week if you like each other. Enjoy the time you do have together and be satisfied with that.