Parenting

All parents are different in their styles of parenting. Compromise might need to take place between parents to discuss matter, and to find common ground that both parents can share. Here is a link to a website that tests what parenting style you have; click here. This may be helpful in understanding how you parent your children. It can be useful and helpful in making those positive changes for you and your children. 

Parenting does not come with a script. The way we have been raised as children and teens plays a part in how we may teach our children. We need parents who children can approach and talk to. What is the purpose of parenting? We need parents who are going to raise a good society, strengthen relationships, educate children, put them in a learning environment, and to protect and prepare children to survive and to thrive in the world they will live in. 

Let's talk about problems. 

Who owns the problem?

 Who is the problem behavior directly affecting? 

Whose goals are being blocked? 

Does the problem involve health, safety, or family values? 

Is the problem one that you can reasonably expect your teen to solve? 

If the child owns the problem, natural consequences may need to take place. Natural consequences are not punishments. An example of a natural consequence could be your child sleeps in, which causes them to miss class, which then affects their grade. This example allows the child to learn from the consequences that follow, because parents are not always going to bail their children out. This child will soon learn that if they keep sleeping in, then their grade in that class will drop. There are three exceptions when it comes to natural consequences. If the natural consequence is too dangerous, too off in the future, and affects others.

If it is the parents own problem, there are three ways to approach a situation/problem. 1) The first is polite requests, because it gives children choices to choose from. Yet, make sure that you give children age and situation appropriate choices to choose from. Don't always walk into the room with your ninja sword in hand, because how you treat your children is how your children will treat you. 2) Use the "I" statement. Say your child keeps leaving his/her bike outside, and it's getting rusty from  weather conditions because it is not being put away in the shed. If polite requests are not getting you anywhere, this is where the "I" statement comes in. In any situation you say, "When you___I feel___because___. I would like___." In the bike situation you would say, "When you leave your bike out, I feel terrible because I did a lot of work to get you that bike for Christmas last year. I would like you to take care of your bike and put it away." This teaches children about natural consequences.  This approach focuses on the problem, and lets the parent tell the child how you feel. 3) Use a firmer statement. We do not want manipulation! We use the logical consequences to parallel them with logical consequences. With logical consequences, as the parent give your child "either, or", "when, then", "if, then", or "when, then" choices to choose from. These are not to be used as bribes, because they lead to a "what's in it for me" attitude. Logical consequences are for example, "Let's come up with a plan for the bike." You are teaching and giving your child a learning experience. Follow up on your children to make sure that agreements are being kept. 

Encourage your children, do not discourage and have negative expectations. Negative expectations can blow a child's self-esteem. Show confidence in your children. Have them build on their strengths, tell them what good they do. If we focus on the bad things, that is what will keep showing up. However,  if we focus on the good, then the good will keep showing up. Learn to value children and teenagers for who they are. As parents, we should stimulate independence by teaching them to do things themselves. Children need to be responsible, respond to problems, and know how to solve them. 

Even if you aren't a parent right now, this information can be very useful in preparing you for parenthood, and helping your children to the best of your abilities. I have enjoyed this week's lessons on parenting because it has shown me how my parents have taught me, and this helped me to know how I want to parent my children for the future.