Theories & Boundaries in the Family

What exactly are theories and boundaries pertaining to the family?

There are five theories, and three main boundaries. By the time I explain them, you might see some in your own families.

• Systems Theories are roles people play in the family. As a family, we should work together. If the mother is always putting all her effort into the family, then the family won't be working to its full potential. We can compare this to the parts of a car. Every part/tool plays a part in making the car work. If one piece is missing, then the car will not work. It is important that everyone gives their best efforts. Are you aware of the roles you play in the family?
• Exchange Theories are getting as much as you can out of a situation. If a relationship consistently costs us more than it rewards us, we are likely to avoid the person or break the relationship. 
• Conflict Theories are when you use power to get influence. A child could be competing for attention from parents because they may feel that they aren't noticed. 
• Symbolic Interaction Theories can be non-verbal and verbal. Every action we make is symbolic; it influences how people interact with each other. Sometimes we misunderstand one another because we say one thing, but mean something totally different.

Theories alert you to look for certain things in intimate relationships and to understand them in particular ways.

There are three main boundaries used in the family. 

• Rigid Boundaries are when we exchange little information or warmth. It could be that a husband and wife aren't very close as they use to be. 
• Permeable/Clear Boundaries are exchanging information; the boundaries are open. I like comparing this boundary to a picket fence. We notice that there is as much space as there is fence. The pointy tips are to discourage people from "sitting on the fence". It's like saying, "You are welcome to come in, but not always." 
• Poor Diffuse Boundaries are easily violated. They are open, and can be unclear. When going places, try noticing how families sit together. Do the parents sit by each other? Are the children in the middle, or by each of the parents? 

We need to see the family as a system; work as a team, not a herd of individuals.