Communication is the use of language and nonverbal sign to create a shared meaning between two or more people. When we communicate, we are drawing upon what we already now. We place the pieces together from past experiences and familiar situations that we have been in. We are always communicating, either by our words, lack of words, or our expressions. The way others interpret these things say a lot about our feelings, mood, and possibly even relationships. The words we use are only one part of communication, the other part is non-verbal.
Some non-verbal cues that we do as individuals include the way we dress, our facial expressions, eye behavior, touching, and our tone of voice. We can draw a lot from the tone of a person's voice. Our tones go a long way when sending a message. However, when we text, we don't usually send our texts in full sentences. Yes, we have emoji's, but the receiver can be getting a different message from the text message. Miscommunication happens all the time with texting because we are not able to draw upon any tone.
We can also misinterpret people by the way they talk, their tone, and non-verbal expressions. Our communication comes in 7% words, 38% tone, and 55% non-verbal. When we communicate to others face to face, our body language, feelings, and tone of voice speak more loudly that when we use words. Listen to your own words to give a clear message, and keep modifying your words until you get your message across.
Gender also affects our interpretations, because as males and females, we can take non-verbal cues differently. Females tend to smile more then males. Smiling is a females way of acknowledging a presence of someone. When males see females smiling at them, they can take it that the female finds him attractive. Women are more sensitive to non-verbal cues, and are more likely to recall them rather than men. With this said, women understand men more than men understand women. But, when we are closer to another person, we're more likely to interpret them better than we would a stranger.
Here is a visual of what sending and receiving a message looks like. Senders may be uncertain of their ideas or feelings. The feelings we intend to communicate may and may not be interpreted the way we want them by the person receiving the message sent.
We can be confident, but not competent when communicating. What would help us to be better communicators? We can learn and identify our own thoughts, feelings, and words. It is really hard for someone to understand what you are trying to get across when even you don't understand yourself. However, that doesn't mean to just point out yours and other people's problems. I like to put Heavenly Father in on this one. Are you glad that Heavenly Father (God) doesn't point out your problems? He is so patient! He knows we are not perfect, but He does see a lot of potential in us. As individuals, we can be hard on ourselves. Rather, let us focus on the positive things; let people see the good that they do. Point out what you like and appreciate about people. Complementing gives a relationship better appreciation.
Now what about listening? Listening is a powerful tool. There are ways that we can improve our listening skills right now, so let's apply them.
Look at the person speaking and concentrate on what they are saying, and also watch for non-verbal cues. Resist the temptation of distractions around yourself; noise, internal and external. Internal noise is in our mind. It is when we have multiple things running through our minds that we cannot focus on what is being said. For example, hold your breath for 30 seconds while you're in class listening to a lecture. Well, surprisingly you'll find that you will end up thinking about how you really need a breath. External noise comes from the outer environment such as the sun, and noise around us.
Control your emotions and do not interrupt until they are done talking. Listen to understand. Hold onto your view long enough to see from where they are coming. It isn't about agreeing or disagreeing, it is all about listening and coming from their point of view, because we all want to be understood.
Ralph Roughton said, "When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do - just hear me."
We can ask questions (after they are done talking) and rephrase to clarify the meaning you are getting from them. Summarize their thoughts.
Autobiographical responses are big obstacles because we like to respond from our own suggestions. We like to advise, probe, interpret, and evaluate. These things can be appropriate when our emotional bank accounts are full, emotion is low, and no tension. The speaker may not be ready to talk about everything. When our emotions are high, we say things that we don't mean.
Now, we practice, practice, practice. Do it every day and you will see progress.
In a couple setting, nurture each other's dreams one step at a time. Find a dream together.
To have a satisfying marriage, there needs to be satisfied communication; although it isn't guaranteed. Couples who are satisfied talk about their families and marriage. They talk and discuss their goals and dreams for their future.
Conflict can have positive and negative consequences on a marriage. It allows one to grow, and increases our awareness of how to become better as individuals. When handling small conflicts, we can then handle larger ones. Once we start to ignore problems, it begins to build up. Learn to forgive one another. Forgiving diminishes anger, depression, and anxiety. Rather than letting it build up, speak your feelings honestly. Don't give the silent treatment. We can never not communicate, and avoiding confronting the problem does not solve anything. Not speaking speaks volumes itself.
In relationships, do not attack your spouse (or loved one), rather, attack the problem. Don't say, "You are a problem" say, "We have a problem". Keep loving even when there is a fight. So, when there are fights, remember the things you love about your spouse because we want a win-win situation.
To communicate effectively, we must first understand each other. When we do, we gain clarity on issues that are real, and solve problems faster.
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