Sexual Intimacy & Family Life

What is infidelity? It is just the opposite of faithfulness. We should love our spouses with all of our hearts. We need to be devoted to them when deciding to marry them. There are four types of affairs. 

1. Fantasy Affair - (emotional/detached) This is when we let our thoughts wander. The thoughts we have can lead to our actions. Sometimes, an attached affair can lead to a detached affair. Infidelity starts with a thought, not with adultery. Anything that is a "fantasy" can lead to more serious affairs. 
2. Visual Affair/Pornography - (detached/physical) We should not lust after another person. We need to be careful to not let our eyes wander. 
3. Romantic Affair - (emotional/attached) This is when an individual becomes emotional involved with another person that is not his or her spouse. Do not believe the lies that tell us an ordinary marriage is boring. Not all marriages are going to be Shakespearean love stories. This type of affair will allow us to believe that we can escape the challenges of everyday life, which in reality is not possible because life does eventually catch back up with us. 
4. Sexual Affair - (physical/attached) A sexual affair is when a person is engaged in a sexual affair that is not within the bounds of marriage. Infidelity does not bring one happiness, in return it will bring sourness, anger, and jealousy. 

How do we prevent affairs? 

 1) Being on guard. Have you set boundaries for yourself? Where do you set the line? There is a story of a man who had a daughter that he loved very much; in fact, she was most precious to him. He sent her away on a wagon, and he needed the best driver to get her to the destination safely. There were three drivers that had to prove they were the best pick. The first driver was so good that he was able to drive with the wheels on the edge of the cliff. The second driver was even better and able to drive the wagon with the wheels wobbling along the edge! Well, the third driver drove the wagon as far away from the edge as possible. Who do you think was the best driver? Obviously, driver number three. Why? Because he set his "boundaries" as far from the cliff as possible. He knew that the fathers' daughter was most precious to him. Like driver number three, we need to not only to set our boundaries, but to stay far from the edge. 

2) Being fiercely loyal. When a married individual is not with their spouse, but with another individual of the opposite gender, it can often lead to temptation that leads them to be disloyal to their spouse. For example, are you going to travel in the car with your co-worker of the opposite gender? Why should you not? You could be riding together on a regular basis, which gives you the time to share your own thoughts and feelings with one another about certain things. Our intimate thoughts and feelings should be private conversations between ones spouse. 

3) Controlling our thoughts. When we are faithful to our spouses, we do not let our eyes and thoughts wander. Put your spouse first; give them your time and attention. 

Trust Bank Account

When couples go into a marriage, they enter that marriage with their "bank account" full of trust. If an affair takes place, then it may take time to add deposits since there have been withdrawals. Deposits build and repair relationships, while withdrawals break down and lessen the trust. We make withdrawals when we break promises, are proud or arrogant, give no feedback, hold grudges, and make assumptions to understand. We make deposits when we understand your spouse, keep promises, apologize, forgive, give feedback, set clear expectations, and show kindness and respect. To make up for one withdrawal, we must make five deposits. 

How & What to Teach Children

Don't rely on what the school is going to teach your children about sex. Sit down with your spouse and come up with a plan. Your children will probably be subjected to things you as children were never exposed to. Yes, it can be difficult for children to make sense of everything you tell them. With that said, don't give them all the information they need to know at once. Talk with your spouse about when it is right to tell them. Start young, and build it up as they get older. I feel a lot of the time that adults tell children, "No, no, no, no, no... yes." Sex is not a bad thing, it is a wonderful act of love when done within marriage. Know what you need to tell your children at the right times. Help them to understand why is it good, and why it can be bad. I would also like to add when your child has a question be honest with them, and don't tip toe around the topic. 

I hope this weeks blog was useful, and maybe you can improve certain things that are needed to be worked on. I am not a professional on this subject, but I hope you received some insights from what I have learned.